New welfare minister Scott Morrison keen to put an end to Santa’s socialist handouts to bludger children
Recently appointed Social Services Minister Scott Morrison has
declared Santa’s handouts to children out of work will end under his
“If we’re to end the age of entitlement we need to put an end to
Santa’s socialist practices. He is giving free presents to children who
are out of work bludgers,” the former Immigration Minister said.
“If children receive presents for free it creates a welfare state of mind. The best present we could give these kids is a job.”
“If a young child wants an iPhone what better way than to go work at
the factory where they make it. This is why China is beating us people!”
When asked if he was overreacting Mr Morrison went further.
“To be honest a big bearded man who wears all red and rides around
the world on an emission free sled really rubs me the wrong way.”
It is understood that if Santa does try to enter Australia illegally
his sleigh will be towed to Nauru. The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy have
also been put on a watch list.
However it wasn’t all doom and gloom for St. Nick as Treasurer Joe
Hockey said the government would adopt his workplace policies.
“I love the deal he has with those elves. Incredible productivity,
I’m pretty sure for no wage. I think it might be like ‘Work Choices’.”
Opposition Leader Bill Shorten was asked to comment, but as part
of a continued strategy to boost his poll numbers he refuses to speak on
any issue or be noticed in any way.